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”I retreated – crawling into the very back of my skull where Tara’s sharp eyes couldn’t see me. When Tara does so many dumb things, it’s easy to forget how smart she is. When she does this to me, all I want to do is hide.“I hate it when you do that,” said Tara. I never knew it was possible to make your voice sound like you were rolling your eyes at someone. Apparently Tara has perfected the trick.“Someone says something you can’t cope with and you fold up inside yourself and go all blank. It makes you very frustrating to talk to. I don’t even know if you can still hear what I’m saying.”I looked out from the little place in the back of my skull where I was cowering. It was like watching the world through a set of binoculars – only looking backwards so that everything looked far, far away. All blank, she said? I pushed forward the version of me that I call Rebecca Louise. It’s not really a split-personality kind of thing like in the movies. It’s more like a mask that I wear sometimes so. She hopes to extend this moment, perhaps to stop, if only for abit, the motion of time, to preserve this present, comfortable and alone. But she knows that soon it will end, her reverie. Move, Taiyiha. Serve. Obey. Long experience has taught her not to think about this while she waits. Whatwill happen will happen, when the Usahar comes for her. She is a slave to it,to all Usahar, and this reality at least cannot be denied. But as she liesthere, Jacqueline thinks of the past. Not yesterday, but before that, longbefore. The real past. Let us remember with her. There was that time, so much of which she can still recall. A time beforeall this, before she was brought here as a slave, before she was made Taiyiha.She recalls this time, the years of it, passing, growing, becoming. She remembersher life then, in those days and weeks and years, family and school and thencollege, life spent in things and with people who seem so distant now. To Jacqueline. Distant, far away, fading. It's hard to.
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